What is important when choosing a private therapist!

You can find articles, blogs or videos on many sites and media telling you on how to find the ‘right therapist’.

I have read them, I have listened to them on YouTube and…. I feel that a lot of the reasoning is not relevant.

One Blog, from an expert, has given this advice:
• How far away is the practice? (No point in picking one 50 miles away)
• Is the practice on a bus/train/tube route?
• Is there car parking space?
• To try someone who has helped someone you know

I would say that the ‘professional advice’ given above is simply not very constructive. The same suggestions could be given to anyone looking for a chiropractor, dentist, solicitor, accountant, supermarket or even a hairdresser or restaurant.

I had a client that was driving from Wolverton, Buckinghamshire, to see me in Ealing for therapy. I have a friend that goes from Southgate to Brighton to see her hairdresser. Why?

The answer is simple and one word comes to mind: Trust – Trust is what matters.

I used to drive all the way to Bracknell to see my chiropractor. Having tried different ones over several years, I was happy to drive out of London to see him. Qualifications might have been similar for each chiropractor but “attitude” was a major factor.

Hence the most important and major factor in looking for or finding a new therapist is your:

“Gut Feeling”.

If you have ever travelled abroad for business or on holiday, considering that perhaps you could not understand the language but you had to make a choice, was that for a restaurant, bar, shop or else, how did you make your choice? The choice was often based on gut feelings. Did the shop or person appeal to you and, of course, how much did it cost?

Think of a restaurant and visualize only six of your best friends. Do all of you like the same type of cuisine/food? Do all of you like the same type of décor? Most likely the answer is no. We are all different and have diverse expectations and exigencies. This means that our choices are made up differently because of our upbringing, beliefs, personality, our state of mind and so on.

So if John is happy to see Harry for therapy, it doesn’t mean that Sally will get on with Harry. Which means that a referral might not work. So what should work?

Most therapists should have a website these days. Do you like his/her website? Do you like the colours, the images, can you connect with the texts in it? What about the therapist. Does he/she have a picture? Would you feel comfortable with that person? Do you feel you could connect with him/her? I am not, for a moment, agreeing with Lombroso’s theory of anthropological criminology but I agree more on the rationale thinking behind symmetry preferences in humans.

You may have heard of the word – rapport. “Rapport can be viewed as the development of trust, understanding, respect, and liking between two persons”.

There is a lot in rapport and this is why I do not recommend to carry out therapy via Skype or telephone [once rapport is established, Skype or telephone conversations might work too, but only after a few face-to-face consultations have taken place first]. As well as rapport there is also the issue of body-language. “Body language is a kind of nonverbal communication, where thoughts, intentions, or feelings are expressed by physical behaviours, such as facial expressions, tone of voice, body posture, gestures, eye movement, touch and the use of space”; [65% of communication is Non-verbal].

Rapport and body-language are two very important factors on how you will get on, well or not, with your new therapist.

When you go out to buy a pair of shoes, do you always buy the first pair you try on? Most probably not, you want to “check the fit” to make sure that they will fit like a glove and they look good on you – and price might also be an issue.

So, why don’t you do the same with your therapist? Try a few.

On the first visit, some therapists give a free session, some offer 30 minutes others the full hour. Studies carried out state that a handshake may be all it takes to create a memorable first impression. “First impressions are the fundamental drivers of our relationships”, says Professor Frank Bernieri of Oregon State University, and it takes us only 15 seconds to make a good connection or not. A 30 minutes or 60 minutes first session should enable you to ask questions or see how the “rapport” goes.

Most therapists charge a reduced fee for the first appointment; it is worth seeing 3 or 4 therapists before making your mind up on which you consider to be the best one for you. Even after the first visit make notes on questions, impressions and your thoughts. Prepare relevant questions before your first visit.

I would highly recommend to you to follow these steps:

1. Look up for therapists in an area that would be easy for you to reach;
2. Write down the therapist name;
3. Check their websites – do you like what you see and what they say? Read carefully what they are saying (i.e. “how good and qualified I am” is focused more about them than you). Look them up on the Internet. Are they who they say they are? Do they have a Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS) check?
4. Have some of his/her clients left a testimonial?
5. Make a short list of the ones that you think will “check the fit”
6. Write to them (I would say no more than 8 of them) an email (some can’t be bothered to reply) and it is often a good idea to state why you are contacting them. If possible, telephone them (but, remember, often therapists could be with clients and unable to answer the phone – unless they have a secretary, of course).
7. How much do they charge?
8. Are you paying for their professional service or are you paying for the secretary, the location, the plush offices or the memberships/accreditations? [a few memberships can cost as much as £700 per annum – …you are paying for them].
9. Depending on reply received (second gut feeling) make an appointment with 3 or 4 of them to evaluate relationship (rapport)
10. Remember those notes I mentioned earlier? Read them and look at all pros and cons.

May I suggest, it might sound somewhat pedantic, that you do your own scoring plan. For example. If charges is the most important factor to you, give it a score of 10. There is no point looking for a therapist that charges £150 per hour when you can only afford £30. If you have free travel, again, score it 10 as travelling one hour on the underground will not make much difference to you. And so on. Also tick off first the one that you don’t like from a list, leaving only 2 or 3 ‘runners up’. [Some of you might have used this kind of approach when you bought your house, car, boat or other very expensive items]. At this point it is easier to match all the pros and cons and select the therapist you deem to be the best for YOU.

Two other small points to remember. Do not, at any time, feel under pressure that you must see your therapist every other day, or every week and so for the next 80 years. Discuss your views and expectations at the first meeting. Also, very important, if for whatever reason, you are not happy with your therapist, leave him/her immediately. Even if you thought at first that he or she was the best for you, you might have made a mistake; follow your gut feelings. Some therapists disagree with my latter point. They say that some 3 to 4 more sessions are needed to “unwind” before you terminate your therapy. My point is very simple – if you are not happy, there is no need to carry on with misery, worries or concerns, better to “unwind” with someone that can help you.

                                       [A positive approach about your well-being is always important ]

 

Article by A B M Procaccini © – Counselling Psychologist, Naturopathist